[ad_1]
When was the last time your friends helped you through something difficult? How did they show up for you? Did they check in regularly, write and deliver notes of encouragement, share a special treat at just the right time, or just sit quietly and listen to you vent? How did it feel to have someone you could depend on?
When was the last time you did something similar for one of your friends? How did it feel to be able to be there for them?
Though its context is the end of a marriage, Maggie Smith’s “During My Divorce, Close Friends Became a Parachute” describes the solace that friendships can give people of any age who experience difficult times. The article begins:
When my marriage ended a few years ago, I tried everything I could think of to get over it, to get back to myself. I started traditional talk therapy, then “cheated” on my regular therapist by seeing an intuitive one — because if your life is painfully uncertain, the promise of a little foresight is comforting.
I also tried meditation, yoga, reiki and acupuncture. I started running, though I’m not athletic, so that only lasted about a year. (I call this current phase of my life the “5K to Couch” era.) I soaked up every possible moment with my children. I fell in love again. I traveled. I wrote, and wrote and wrote.
These things helped, I felt more centered and whole. But nothing has been more healing than my friendships with women.
We don’t talk enough about how terrifying divorce can be. For years, it felt like I was skydiving in tandem with someone; we were “in it together.” Suddenly, I was in the clear blue sky, untethered, free falling alone.
My friends were a parachute. Because when you lose “your person,” it’s critical to have “your people.”
That first year, when I was sad and too thin and sleep-deprived, my people showed up. They made sure my life was more than stress and sadness; more than pulse-quickening emails and invoices from lawyers; more than parenting two children alone through grief and upheaval.
Thanks to my friends, there was roller skating in parking lots and vinyl-only dance parties at a local concert venue. There were happy hours and countless meals (“Yes, we want to see the dessert menu, thank you”), and loud, unselfconscious laughter.
How have your friends “shown up” for you when you have experienced a challenge, such as disappointment, stress, grief, confusion or heartbreak? How have you shown up for your friends in tough times?
Which of Ms. Smith’s friends’ actions make the biggest impression on you? What can you learn from the examples she includes about how to help a friend who is going through a difficult time?
Ms. Smith says, “My friends were a parachute.” What does that mean to you? Have you ever experienced a similar feeling?
In reflecting on her friends’ roles in her life, Ms. Smith writes, “They give me something I can’t give myself.” How would you describe the role friendship plays in your life? What do your friends bring to your life that wouldn’t be possible without them, and what do you bring to theirs? Does the article inspire you to lean on your friends more?
Ms. Smith writes, “We’re often socialized to focus on our romantic partnerships and to let our friendships fizzle.” Do you agree that society often sees friendship as secondary to romantic relationships? Have you ever felt as if you or your friends were more concerned with dating than with maintaining your friendship? What advice would you give to someone who wants to stay better connected to their friends in this situation?
[ad_2]
Source link